Time to Dare, Darling.

Your day is full of hard moments.

And absolutely nothing is going wrong - you're a doctor. You chose hard.

And you'd choose it again.

But despite the fact that you've spent your whole life working hard and you're so highly qualified… you keep painfully watching as you're destabilised by the hard moments. Selling yourself short as they watch you shake.

We don't want to make the hard things easy. We want to become the person who does the hard things as people watch in awe.

We think that we can prepare - and perfect - away the hard moments. But the truth is, that's the job. Hard is our standard Tuesday as a doctor. And let's be honest, you've well and truly tried the perfection route. You're as perfect as possible - trust me.

And the second truth is: we actually like hard. We have always found meaning and fulfilment in a life that stretches us.

The real problem isn't the hard things. It's that we're not showing up to these hard moments in a way that does us justice.

What really hurts is that we sell ourselves short. We don't show up in our integrity - and we know that's who we really are.

Medicine has always attracted strong personalities. Some of them are wonderful. Some of them are you. And some of them are… well. You know.

We watch ourselves in these moments be shaken:

— They question our management and we're instantly destabilised — We make a mistake and suddenly our authority drops to our boots — We hesitate to contribute to the discussion — because what if we're wrong? — Tears well up when we think about pushing back on an out-of-line comment — Hours later ruminating at home, waking up from sleep — replaying how we fell short — Well spilt our steamy paper cup of coffee that was the thread of hope holding us together and now we're spiralling like it's all over

We feel hijacked in these hard moments. We can't stop the destabilisation, let alone re-route back to ourselves. Not knowing what it would even look like to stand tall in that situation.

What you're not acknowledging is that you've accidentally internalised a textbook worth of rules.

Between being a doctor and being a woman - don't rock the boat, keep the peace, don't be obstructive, don't make things difficult. Just be easy-going. Nice. Normal. Easy. Convenient. Even obedient.

So the path forward is unclear. What is the right thing to do in this moment? How do I do it while respecting both myself and everyone else? How do I be myself in full force without becoming unacceptable to everyone else?

We need clarity to be able to move.

But we also need embodiment. Because all action comes from emotion. And right now, you can't feel anything. That's not just your Clinician Conditioning that taught you emotions don't have a place in a doctor. But for women, it's a purposeful disconnection from ourselves for everyone else. 

From before we can speak, girls are taught to be pleasing to others. We develop such powerful empathy that we naturally and automatically adjust ourselves to become what the environment wants of us.

All of that emotional intelligence is getting poured into regulating everybody else's nervous system - instead of your own. The goal is to keep them comfortable. The goal is to keep them happy with you. Because them being pleased with you is your evidence that you're doing it right.

And then you wonder why you feel like crying under pressure.

You've been lying to yourself that you're this meek, agreeable person.

You're 'too emotional'? No. You're not 'too sensitive'. You've just numbed so much that the first time you hear the faintest part of your intensity, it's screaming.

You've 'kept the peace' at the cost of your inner conflict. Purposefully ignoring your intuition, priorities and any consideration for how you feel in any given moment. You've stopped monitoring your body altogether. Because you've been taught that how others feel about you is the truest measure of how good you are.

As a doctor. As a colleague. As a friend. As a partner. As a person.

You know you're powerful. You know you have so much to offer. And you're just waking up now to realising that staying meek and sweet is just the easy route - a way to avoid intimidating.

Women in medicine carry a second cognitive stream that nobody talks about.

From professional relationships to personal, we're managing clinical scenarios AND how to be acceptable - stay likeable, stay professional. All at once. It's running extra tabs open in your working memory capacity. Your cognitive load is twice as high as even the most well-prepared, perfect person could handle.

While someone who feels good enough and like they belong just gets to focus.

They just get to make decisions. They just get to be effective. They just get to be themselves. They just get to put their best foot forward.

The first thing we need to do is offload this second cognitive stream. To free you up to just focus on your work - and let your authentic self be seen.

Because that's the only way to stop selling yourself short. And start doing yourself justice.

It's time to remember who you are. Before all the smothering of shoulds and numbing of what you know.

It's your turn now.

You know you have more to offer - professionally and personally. And if you're honest with yourself, you know it's going to take a courageous part of you to make this change.

You're ready to go to bed not just exhausted from the amazing, important work you do - but satisfied. Proud.

Not because it was easy. But because you did the hard thing. And you did it well.

In Dare Darling, we make doctors like you unshakeable in the hard moments by making you unshameable. By making sure that in these hard, vulnerable moments - when things don't go perfectly or when faced with a difficult person - we aren't controlled by shame. We're unshakeable.

Face yourself. Back yourself. Trust yourself. Value yourself.

I'll teach you how your mind works and train you in the skills to make it work for you. The mindsets that make you unshakeable. 

Our standard is high: real, open, humble, hungry. Be a part of the new standard for women in medicine.

If you think you should be a part of this circle, a 1-on-1 consult with Doctor Becc is where invitations are given.